


Dog teeth.

by twoheartsx



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Blood, Dark Theme, Depressed killua, Depression, Insane!Gon, Insanity, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Sadness, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, im not even sure, im sorry, kinda au i think, this is really twisted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5889223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/pseuds/twoheartsx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What have I become?" Gon asks, voice slow as he stares down at his bloody hands.</p><p>"Nothing. You're Gon." </p><p>(You draw blood just to taste it, you hold bones just to break them.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dog teeth.

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Dog Teeth by Nicole Dollanganger and it inspired this fic. I was caught between making Killua or Gon be the one the song is in the prospective. I see it in Killua's for this fic, but I might write one where it's in Gon's view. I hope you guys enjoyed and let me know if I missed any tags.

Blood covered the ground. It was on his hands, under his nails. It seemed to soak into his skin and in that moment he couldn't care. He understood and at the same time didn't. Because he didn't fully understand his actions. He didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing. Why his fingers begged to grip something till it brushed and left marks. An urge he couldn't and wouldn't explain. Words couldn't fathom and his mind couldn't comprehend. Sometimes he forgot who he was and that was okay. Because he had Killua to ground him. The white haired boy would remind him of who he is, or was. Gon couldn't track what parts of him were new and what ones had been seething just under his skin for years. A darkness that over time was starting to inch more and more into him. Filling his mind with thoughts that he often pushed aside. Words he wouldn't mean would leave his mouth and his eyes would lose that light Killua had come to love so much. The white haired boy always looked sad when he noticed this. The coldness that was just below the surface. Something that if you are the wrong moment got near Gon you would feel. It was like a icy blizzard and it hurt. Because Gon shouldn't be like this. Killua stands by him, does his best to pretend he doesn't notice it. Both boys know he does. Gon doesn't even notice half the time. That quivering of his lip and vacancy in his eyes. Eyes that in some moments are filled with sunlight and others hold the void itself inside them. Killua says nothing and just tells Gon everything's okay. In some sick way he justifies Gon's actions in the same way the dark haired boy would justify Killua's and it's sad how the tables have turned. To see the once innocent bright eyed boy covered in blood and eyes shadowed left a bitter flavor in Killua's mouth and pain in his chest like no wound ever could. Nothing could ever hurt him more then to see Gon in a state of despair. An assassins instinct in Killua tells him Gon isn't who he once was and Killua doesn't need senses to tell him that. Anyone who knew Gon from the beginning would see it too. The issue was those who had seen the before weren't around and Killua felt maybe he was over thinking things. Maybe he was looking too much into and Gon was fine. Maybe it was Killua who was the wrong one. Words ring in his hollow head, but not the ones that would normally. It isn't about running, it isn't about fighting, it isn't even about leaving anymore. It's all those times people said Gon was dangerous. Like he was some monster and the sound of blood dripping on the floor affirms those words. Killua closes his eyes, pushes those words away. Because he won't let them be true. Gon was who he was. He hadn't changed and everything was okay. They both were okay.

Killua always tells himself this and it pushes him onward. He doesn't know how long it's been and he can't find it in him to care. Gon lies sleeping, but the scent of blood is in the air and Killua knows it all too well. He almost is drawn to that aspect again. The one in which blood pays and he has to remind himself that's no life to live. His deep seeded roots have been more raw and in the open as of late and it's drawing him back into that place he knows much too well. He knows who he is and so he closes his eyes. He pretends he's not what he is and that the blood is just a bad memory. He tells himself they had to and for a moment he doesn't think about all those things he's done, will do. All those things Gon had done, will also do. Because Gon doesn't know himself like he says he does and Killua doesn't tell him a thing. He doesn't say anything because Gon never asked. The dark haired boy doesn't wanna know and when Leorio calls Killua won't pick up. No one will because at this point there is no use. No one can help them now and Leorio would only get in the way. He'd worry and ask questions, ones that Gon and Killua knew nothing of the answer. After awhile Kurapika starts to call and it's a surprise. Leorio must have contacted the blond. Killua still doesn't asked, but he tells Gon. Gon looks at him and smiles, like he used to, and says he wouldn't mind seeing them. Killua doesn't want to, but agrees because it's Gon's wish. He'd do anything for Gon. Maybe seeing old friends will bring back that light. Maybe they can save Gon from this darkness that Killua knows too well. Killua knew he couldn't do anything for Gon. He was in his mind the cause of this cold darkness. Maybe Leorio, because he wants to be a doctor, can fix up Gon's distorted mind.

Killua knew the reaction. There could be no other. Leorio was devastated by what he seen. Kurapika, usually cold and dislocated from everyone is unnerved by what he says. They can see something isn't right with Gon and Killua knows his hope is worthless. These two can't help him or Gon. They suddenly have a fear of Gon, keeping a distance, like they did when they learned of Killua's family ties. Killua asks Gon if they can leave early, this was pointless now. Gon agrees and that sad look in Leorio's eye says he is sorry. Killua just smiles and takes Gon away.

Sometimes Gon asks Killua things. He tells him how he feels bad for things he does. He doesn't know why he does it and Killua holds him. He tells him nothing is wrong with him. Gon isn't broken. Gon isn't wrong the world is. Killua says it because he's reminding himself as well and it kills him. He'd fought so hard to save Gon and protected him and in the end he couldn't even protect Gon from himself. From those monsters in his head. This person who Gon had built up from his anger and sadness. From his helplessness. From the things he seen and they were only kids. In such short time both of them had been broken and bent. Will and spirit crushed and nothing could hold them together. Killua becomes accustomed to the feeling of blood between his fingers once more. First it's helping Gon the blood out of his clothes then it's Killua getting blood he'd created. He'd tried so hard to get away from this life only to be brought back. Because he needed to help Gon. Because he needed to show Gon he was no better. Never had he been and never would he be.

"What have I become?" Gon asks, voice slow as he stares down at his bloody hands. Killua looked up from the book he was reading. A body lied at his feet. Killua set the book aside, crawling over to the dark haired boy. He wrapped his arms around him.

"Nothing. You're Gon." Killua says, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. Gon is shaking and Killua tightens his hold on him.

"Am I bad?" Gon asks. Killua shakes his head no.

"You're perfect just as you are. You're Gon and that's all that matters." Killua says. He always says this. He always will. Nothing changes his love for Gon and nothing will.


End file.
